Untangling Trauma Thread By Thread: How EMDR Therapy Helps You Heal
Let’s think about your struggle like a sweater. It’s an annoying, itchy, heavy sweater that you are desperate to remove, but no matter how hard you try, it won’t come off. It doesn’t, and never really did, make you feel good.
The process of EMDR is like detangling this sweater. We identify the issue you’d like to work on. For example, “I want to have better relationships. I keep dating the same person again and again, and I’m afraid I’ll be single forever”. Perfect! We’ve identified the “thread” that we’re going to pull to detangle this sweater with the EMDR process. As you start to explore this issue (or "pull the thread"), you begin to gain insight into what you believe about yourself in relation to it, how you think about it, what it means to you, and how it’s shaping your current behaviors and choices. As you keep to pulling on this belief, you find that it is connected to another...and another....and another. You find new threads and EMDR sets out to untangle them. The bigger picture of how you got here comes into focus. More and more, the sweater continues to unravel, and you begin to feel better. The itchy sweater you’ve been wearing is starting to loosen and give you more space to have a different experience. You start to see your life from a new, more powerful perspective. You begin to see how some of your thoughts about yourself were never true, and yet they held you back. Choices that didn’t seem possible, become possible. Using the issue mentioned above, you may find yourself less attracted to unavailable people and see the pattern before it begins. You may find it easier to connect to available people and may even be open to the idea of having fun being single for a while. Yes, that is possible!
Many of my clients come to me with complex trauma. Complex trauma compiles over a lifetime and is shaped by a series of difficult experiences. Some events have greater impact such as bullying, assault or the death of a parent. Some unpleasant life experiences are less intense but are still upsetting like not making the varsity team or not being invited to the party. You may say to yourself, “I shouldn’t let this bother me” and maybe you try and ignore the feelings that are present. Regardless, these events can have a negative impact on someone’s emotional well-being and self-esteem. Since everyone processes setbacks differently, the intensity of these experiences varies from person to person. If someone is struggling and lacks support from family or community, they are left trying to pick up the pieces themselves. This creates unwelcome, limiting beliefs that aren’t necessarily true, but feel very true. Remaining unprocessed, these thoughts and beliefs color your world view and can dampen what you believe you can achieve in life. Stress, depression and anxiety build. Before you know it, you realize you aren’t functioning as well as you’d like.
So how does this reprocessing actually work? Good question! EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to help your brain detangle your sweater. It is a simple technology that helps both hemispheres of your brain to communicate more effectively. Bilateral stimulation is a simple left-right, back and forth rhythm that can be done through eye movements, gentle tapping, or alternating sounds. It mimics the brain’s natural rhythm during REM sleep, when we do a lot of emotional processing and mental “clean-up.” This is key to integrating and resolving distressing memories. When a person experiences trauma, the brain can get stuck and the memory remains vivid, emotionally charged, and fragmented, rather than being filed away like other past experiences. This rhythmic stimulation activates both sides of the brain, allowing the traumatic memory to shift from an emotionally reactive state into a more neutral, processed one. In this way, the brain essentially gets another chance to make sense of what happened, reducing the emotional intensity and allowing for healing to take place. As a therapist, I strike a careful balance between gently guiding the reprocessing when needed and stepping back to be a supportive witness, allowing the brain to naturally go where it needs to heal. When that balance is right, it can make the process feel smoother and more effective for the client...even transformative.
EMDR isn’t a magic quick fix, but in my experience, it often leads to faster and more lasting results than traditional talk therapy. That’s because it taps into images, memories, and even body sensations to get to the root of the issue more directly. If a client has trouble connecting with the process at first, I offer gentle support and guidance. My goal is to help each person discover their own unique way of reprocessing, so they can experience the healing that works best for them.
If you’re curious about how EMDR might help you, reach out and let’s chat! I’m here to answer questions you may have and support you on your healing journey.
